Archive for November 2014
My Daddy gnaws on raw pumpkin.
My wife asked our son who he thinks is eating our pumpkin. His response: Daddy. I’ve been accused of crimes that I did not commit before. I’ve even gone to trial. But c’mon. My own kid? I don’t even like pumpkin.
Read MoreI was once homeless, living in my 1992 Toyota Tercel. But that still seemed spacious compared to this apartment.
I have managed to live in some small spaces in my time. For a period of about two years, I shared a former pantry-turned-bedroom off the kitchen in the home of a family of Jehovah Witnesses with another person and the family’s pet goat. That sounds a lot crazier than it really was. Prior to…
Read MoreSeriously badass porcupine
Underdog was an impressive superhero. He spoke in rhyme. He saved Sweet Polly Purebred every week. He was not bothered by collateral damage. He even had a great catchphrase: There’s no need to fear–Underdog is here! But when I think of underdogs in the future, I’ll be thinking of a porcupine. This porcupine. The one…
Read MoreShe can find her own bed, and it hurt.
My daughter woke up at 4:00 AM this morning. She came into our bedroom and asked for some tissues. After Elysha handed her the box, I asked her if she’d like me to tuck her back into bed. Her reply: “I know where my bed is, Dad. I don’t need your help.” Can a five…
Read MoreChristmas seems to have arrived early this year, and shut the hell up.
I’ve heard a lot of whining, both in person and via social media, but the early onset of Christmas. Santa is already at the mall. Christmas music is playing in shops. Holiday decorations are already going up. It’s true. Christmas has arrived early this year, and every year it seems to arrive earlier and earlier.…
Read More“I’m not a scientist” is a perfectly acceptable response to climate change questions, as long as you’re willing to acknowledge everything else that you are not.
Republicans who have found the denial of climate change too ridiculous and inconvenient to continue to perpetuate have turned to a new strategy. In response to questions about climate change, they have adopted a single sentence sound byte that they are repeating with disturbing regularity. “I’m not a scientist.” “I can’t comment on climate change…
Read MoreThe McRib is back. It’s delicious. And there’s nothing wrong with it, you closed-minded, pretentious food snobs.
The weather is getting colder. Winter is upon us. You know what that means? The McRib will be back soon. I can’t wait. I know what your thinking. I know how many of you feel about the McRib and McDonald’s in general. But wait. Just listen. After mentioning to my class that I often eat…
Read MoreI want to be asked more rhetorical questions
I was watching Homeland last night (season 2, episode 1), and someone asked Claire Danes’ character, “Who do you think you are?” I was so jealous. I am so ready for this question. But no one ever asks me it. I hear it in movies and on television all the time, and I can recall…
Read MoreI never realized how truly disturbing the opening sequences to 1980’s TV shows were until now.
Follow me here: Sometimes someone shows you something that you already knew but never realized how ridiculous and terrible it truly is or was. Like Steak Ums. We thought they were amazing in the 1980s, but it turns out thin sheets of warm, processed meat isn’t so good after all. This video, which is the…
Read MoreNo technology is a great way to teach. Also, PowerPoint is more than two decades old. It doesn’t count as technology anymore.
Rebecca Shuman of Slate writes about the benefits of a low technology classroom, despite complaints by some students that they are not being prepared for a world in which technology is a dominant an essential force. “While exceptions exist, research shows again and again that when people are staring at a screen, or skip-jumping through a…
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