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My 3 completely biased, overly judgmental and fully valid rules of selfies

  1. Try to avoid saying the word selfie aloud. You will always sound at least a little dumb when doing so. Even writing the word makes you sound a little stupid.
  2. Any attempt to look sexy or alluring in a selfie is only going to make you look a little desperate. This includes pursed lips, well framed cleavage and obvious attempts to conceal large noses, receding hairlines or oblong chins through awkward and strained poses. We all know what you are doing. Spontaneity, a disregard for photogenic conventions and  an authentic smile is the only way to make a selfie almost acceptable.
  3. A selfie is only immune to ridicule and assumed narcissism under the following circumstances:
  • You are taking a selfie with another person in the photograph as well (which, by definition, no longer qualifies as a selfie).
  • You are taking a selfie in order to show someone a new haircut, a new item of clothing or a similar change of appearance (the utilitarian selfie).
  • You are taking a selfie with the express purpose of demonstrating the uniqueness of your locale as it appears the background (Grand Canyon, Brooklyn Bridge, football stadium, North Pole)
  • You are taking a selfie in order to update your image on a social media or similar online profile, and you have not updated the image in this profile in at least three months.

Below is a blurry, poorly framed selfie that I took of myself and my daughter this weekend as we rode the historic carousel in downtown Hartford together, thus qualifying it as acceptable in two of the above categories.