Here’s the best way to tell someone that your wife is pregnant:
While playing poker with a close friend, wait until he has a difficult and expensive decision to make. As he is pondering the probability that he might have the best hand, calculating the odds, trying to get a read on his opponent and attempting to make the most important decision of the game, lean over the table and whisper, “Hey Tom. Elysha is pregnant.”
Tom ultimately called the bet and lost the hand.
I’m not sure if my distraction played a role in his decision, but it was most assuredly a distraction.
Here’s the worst way to tell someone that your wife is pregnant:
While your wife is in the bathroom, get on the phone and tell her father that his daughter is pregnant.
In my defense, I thought Elysha was in the room. My mother-in-law was over the house for dinner, so we had told her about our good news earlier in the evening. But my father-in-law was in New York, visiting with his mother in the hospital, and we wanted to tell him the good news as well. My mother-in-law was speaking to him on the phone, so I asked her to hand me the phone when she was finished speaking.
When I asked for the phone, Elysha was in the room with me.
After a few minutes, my mother-in-law handed me the phone, and because I am an unobservant, callous, idiotic, insensitive dolt, I failed to look up and confirm that Elysha was still in the room.
I just went ahead and told her father the news.
Unfortunately, she was in the bathroom. She could hear my voice through the door, but it took her a moment to realize what was happening, and by that time, I had already spilled the beans.
It might be the worst thing that I have ever done to my wife.
I will never forgive myself for my stupidity.
I suspect that she will not as well.
