I was at the pediatrician’s office with my wife and daughter. After waiting more than fifteen minutes for the doctor, I left the examination room to use the rest room.
It was locked. I leaned against the wall adjacent to the door in order to wait my turn. A minute later the door opened and a young girl, probably about thirteen years old, emerged. She was holding a Dixie cup in her outstretched hand.
She took a hard right upon exiting, did not see me standing there, and nearly ran into me.
I saw the cup. My mind said, “Apple juice? In the bathroom?”
Then it corrected itself.
“Pee? Really?”
She brought the cup to an abrupt halt in front of my chest.
I looked down into the cup.
She looked down.
We watched the pee slosh around in the paper cylinder. Then our eyes met. We did not speak aloud, but here is what we said with our eyes:
Girl: I can’t believe I almost ran into you with my pee.
Me: I can’t believe the doctor asked you to fill up a Dixie cup with pee and then just walk it down the hallway like this.
Girl: My God. I am standing in front of a strange man with a warm cup of pee between us.
Me: My God. Couldn’t they have at least given you a cup with a lid?
Girl: If I don’t move in a second, this is going to get even more embarrassing than it already is.
Me: Did the doctor give you a lid for that cup? Maybe you left it behind in the bathroom?
Girl: Who stands right next to a bathroom door anyway?
Me: Are plain old Dixie cups even sanitary?
Girl: Why am I not moving yet?
Me: Did you really have the fill the cup almost to the top? I can’t imagine the doctor needs that much pee.
Girl: Still not moving!
Me: I have to find a way to never let this happen to my daughter.
A baby began crying in an adjacent room, snapping us out of our trance and ending our psychic conversation. “Excuse me,” I said, stepping to the side to allow the pee and its teenage pall bearer to pass safely.
As I turned and entered the restroom, I saw a stack of Dixie cups over the toilet.
Is this really the best system for these doctors to obtain a urine sample?
