Archive for March 2010
I don’t get it
I know it’s hip and trendy to love Wes Anderson’s films, but I don’t. I thought that Rushmore was okay, The Life Aquatic was overrated, The Darjeeling Limited was slow and unfunny, and The Royal Tenenbaums was so awful that I would have walked out of the theater if I hadn’t gone with friends. One…
Read MoreLinguistic complaints
Admit it. I say that someone is nearsighted, and you automatically think that the person cannot see things up close. Then, after a few seconds, you remember that you must force yourself to think counter-intuitively when it comes to vision impairment. Nearsighted people can only see things near them, and while this makes logical sense…
Read MoreFeeling better about myself
In reference to the aged audience of CBS’s Survivor, a television critic on Bill Simmon’s podcast said, “The only people watching a show that runs as long as Survivor are old people. Young people move onto new things.” Bill Simmons concurred. I do as well, because I only watched the first two seasons of Survivor…
Read MoreThe Ethicist: Golfing allowed on day two?
My friend Tom asked me to address the following question as part of my new role as The Ethicist: THE QUESTION: Is it okay to go golfing while your wife is in the hospital the day after your daughter was born? THE ANSWER: Of course it’s okay. If my daughter wasn’t born in January, I…
Read MoreDoes this mean I can get into Heaven?
Today I was told by a man that although he knew that I did not believe in God, he still thought that I was a good Christian. I’m not sure how that squares with his God, but it was certainly a nice thing to say.
Read MoreRules of a gun fight
I’m not exactly a gun fan, but this website, which lists the rules of a gunfight, is simply genius. Funny, clever, and loaded with the truth. A few of my favorite rules include: Forget about knives, bats and fists. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have…
Read MoreDeprived youth
I was speaking to a group of Newington High School students yesterday about writing. In attempting to explain the importance of twisting stereotypes and giving the reader the unexpected, I used the example of Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs. Lecter was an absolute villain and a genuine cannibal, I explained, but the…
Read MoreDregs of the Earth in my baby book
With the birth of my daughter, I’ve recently spent some time flipping through my baby book. It’s been quite enlightening. The best part about the baby book is that it is written by my mother, who died in 2007. There are no home movies or audio recordings of my mother, so these words, scrawled in…
Read MorePeeing your pants with aplomb
Racing through the pharmacy this morning in search of batteries, I passed through the feminine hygiene products aisle, and while there, I couldn’t help but notice that there is a brand of bladder-control pads named Poise. I’m wondering: Does the name of this product imply that one can retain their poise despite their propensity to…
Read MoreSavant
I was lamenting the fact that bassists don’t get solos tonight when my wife said, “Les Claypool from Primus solos. And Flea from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, too.” There are times when I think that I might be able to drop a box of toothpicks on the ground and watch her instantly count them.
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