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The Friendship Application

Behold the long awaited Friendship Application.

There have been instances in the past year when people have been on the verge of becoming genuine friends.  This is all well and good, but what if the guy is a Jets fan or she lives an hour from my home?

Thus the Friendship Application.

If I feel that someone in my life is on the verge of becoming my friend (all current friends are grandfathered in), I will send an email that reads:

Dear _____________,

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed that we may be on the verge of becoming friends.  In order to ensure that you are friendship material, please complete the attached application.  A score of 85 or above will indicate that this friendship can proceed.

Less than 85 and we will be forced to terminate this potential friendship.

Good luck!

Of course, this application is only used for potentially new friends.  Previous friends have already been grandfathered into the fold.  In fact, the application is admittedly stringent simply because I have plenty of friends already.  If I had few friends, then my requirements would decrease considerably.

It’s a simple case of supply and demand.  When the supply is high, the demand is low. 

Friendship Application

You may find it interesting to note that being a Jets fan can be detrimental to your chances of being my friend, but you can receive positive points from being a Red Sox fan because everyone enjoys a rivalry.

But sorry, Jets fans.  I cannot abide by stupidity.

Also, preference is given to candidates without children even though I have a daughter.  This is because childless friends have more flexible availabilities. 

Any suggestions for revision?