Can I put my hand on your butt without offending?
This morning, I played pick-up basketball with a woman, a former college player who was shooting around at the gym.
Playing one-on-one with a girl you don’t know is always a little complicated, especially in the beginning. This girl was an exceptional player with a decent outside jumper, and she could drive to the basket with both her left and right hands. To play defense, especially in a one-on-one game, I would have to make a certain amount of physical contact with her.
A hand on the hip.
Body-to-body blocking out.
The inadvertent hand on the butt when reaching for the hip or contact with a breast when reaching for a steal.
Most female players understand this, but as a man, I must gauge the level of contact my opponent will find acceptable and be careful not to be perceived as stepping over any unspoken line. It’s complicated and can be a little stressful until we reach a silent agreement on what is permitted and what is not.
What I’d like to do is simply state the following before the game:
“Look. You know, and I know, that basketball is physical, especially when played one-on-one. It’s likely that at some point during this game, I will be placing my hand on your hip, which inevitably means an occasional hand on your butt. It’s also likely that my hands will come into contact with your breasts, inadvertently, of course, but things happen. I’m very happily married, have a beautiful baby girl at home, and have no interest in anything more than a competitive game of hoops. Is that cool with you?”
Instead, I must wait. Gauge my opponent’s level of physicality. Eventually, take a chance and see how she reacts. A hand to the hip or an aggressive move to box her out from a rebound. This stilted play often can lead to a loss in the first game, as my defense is inevitably porous and weak.
Today, I took an elbow to the chin almost immediately, followed by a barely audible apology and a layup while I was still doubled over. It hurt, but it was worth it.
Right from the start, I knew being physical would not be a problem.