Last week, a woman swallowed her engagement ring after her boyfriend-turned-fiancee asked the restaurant where they were dining to hide the ring in the dessert as a means of surprising her.
I heard this story on “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.”
I went online to read about this act of stupidity and had difficulty finding the story because it’s happened so often that I couldn’t figure out which story “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” was referencing, which only strengthens my point:
Placing an engagement ring in food as a means of proposing marriage to someone is the stupidest means of proposing ever.
Whoever thought of this mornic idea in the first place, and why does it continue today?
It lacks romance of any kind.
It’s gross.
It’s weird.
It’s unnecessary.
Also, apparently, it’s dangerous. People swallow more rings than you could imagine.
Proposing in any restaurant is probably unwise because:
- Restaurants come and go, meaning the favorite French restaurant where you chose to propose to your beloved could be a Taco Bell next year, stripping you of the opportunity of revisiting the location or sharing it with future children.
- It places the person being proposed to in an oddly public station where the people at the tables closest to you are privy to the entire engagement and everything that follows, eliminating any intimacy of the moment.
I proposed to Elysha at the top of the steps in Grand Central Station in New York City, which she once declared her favorite room in the world. While nothing is certain, I suspect that Grand Central will still be around for another century or so.
Two years ago, I returned to the spot of the proposal with Charlie and told him the story.
“Good job, Dad,” he said as he surveyed the view from the stairs.
And yes, our engagement was public. People were all around us as I dropped to one knee, including a police officer who held a book I was carrying while I popped the question, but these were bustling commuters who may have caught a glimpse of the engagement but quickly moved on.
Strangers did not linger beside us as we embraced.
The two dozen friends hidden in the crowd below were soon surrounding us and celebrating, but those are the people who you want beside you after your engagement. Not some random couple four feet away who witnessed one of the most important moments of your life and can now hear everything else you have to say for the next half hour.
Also, Elysha didn’t need to clean the chocolate frosting or caramel toffee off her ring before placing it on her finger.
We don’t put foreign objects in food that someone else will be eating unless we are Russian spies trying to kill Western targets.
Why would anyone think it’s okay to do so when proposing to someone?
