I’ve posted “Never Have I Ever” lists in 2014, 2018, and 2022.
Every four years.
I’m two years early on posting this next update, but I do so now because it’s worth mentioning:
I’ve never used a Q-tip.
The reason is simple:
I follow the explicit directions on the product – Warning: Do not insert swab into ear canal – and my doctor’s recommendation and have never used a Q-tip to clean my ears, even though it would seem that most people do. Despite the warning labels on the Q-tips, admonitions by doctors, and the multitude of injuries caused every day by inserting Q-tips into ears, people continue to do so.
I do not.
And since I have no other reason for a Q-tip – for the application or removal of makeup, for use in arts and crafts projects – I’ve never required one and have, therefore, never used one.
Also, if anyone should be using a Q-tip in their ears, it might be me. My ears produce more wax than necessary, which requires a visit to the doctor every 6-18 months for flushing:
Warm saline forced into my ears to clean them out.
But no Q-tips.
It’s an odd feeling to have water pushed in and out of your ear canal, but it’s much safer than jamming an object into a fragile part of the human body.
So, if you use Q-tips to clean your ears, perhaps you should follow the experts’ advice and refrain from this habit before you, too, damage your eardrum, rupture your eardrum, cause hearing loss, or give yourself an ear infection. Besides, ears are, for the most part, self-cleaning. Earwax moves out of the ear canal on its own through the skin’s migration pattern and jaw movement.
In fact, if you stopped using Q-tips in your ears today, you would almost certainly see no change, except for avoiding a possible injury to their inner workings.
Just saying.
So, with Q-tips now added to the list, here is my updated list of “Never Have I Ever:
- Never purchased or used an illegal drug of any kind
- Never used marijuana in any form
- Never purchased a lottery ticket
- Never tasted coffee
- Never smoked a cigarette
- Never bruised
- Never slept past 9:00 AM
- Never swore in the presence of my parents
- Never shoplifted
- Never watched an episode of The Real Housewives, The Bachelor, or anything involving a Kardashian
- Never owned an umbrella
- Never used an emoji
- Never eaten a salad
- Never taken a selfie
- Never worn a piece of jewelry (except for my wedding ring, which I don’t wear)
- Never owned or worn a watch (except for a golf watch designed to provide distance to the hole)
- Never used a Q-tip
Notes:
I’ve never purchased or used an illegal drug of any kind because I was keenly aware at 18 that I was on my own, without any familial safety net. I knew I couldn’t afford to get into the kinds of trouble that drugs can cause because I had no one to bail me out.
I also avoided drugs (and alcohol) throughout high school, recognizing their dangers and frankly never feeling the need to experiment.
For the record, Elysha never drank alcohol in high school either, so when people tell us that “kids are going to drink, no matter what we say or do,” we scoff.
If we could resist, it is possible for others to do the same.
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Certain people are obsessed with getting me to try coffee. I resist, of course. I purposely decided to avoid coffee at an early age after seeing people “need their coffee” every morning and abhorring its complexity. The multitude of preferred temperatures, brews, flavors, sweeteners, brands, and creams make this drink too complicated for a person who strives for simplicity.
Also, I just don’t like hot beverages of any kind.
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I can’t explain why I don’t bruise, but I don’t. I’ve been with Elysha for nearly 20 years, and she’s never seen a bruise on my body, even after plenty of accidents and major surgery. When I was 17, I nearly died in a head-on automobile collision that sent my head through the windshield and tore my legs open to the bone, but still no bruises.
It’s a stupid superpower, useful for nothing.
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My refusal to use an emoji is stupid. It’s gone from something I thought silly years ago to me just being a jerk now. They’re cute and easy to use today, and they’ve actually become quite useful in communication, but I resist only because I’m a jerk.
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I define a “selfie” as a photo taken of yourself by yourself. I’ve never taken one of these photos. I’ve taken photos of myself with other people, and I’ve appeared in many photos taken by someone who also appears in the photo, but I’ve never taken a photo of me by me.
This also started because I thought selfies were ridiculous (and for a while, the selfie stick confirmed this), but honestly, I never find myself in a moment when I want or need a photo of just myself.
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I’d love to dine on salad constantly, but I hate lettuce, tomatoes, and salad dressing. I have no choice in this matter.
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I don’t wear my wedding ring because it’s steel and can’t be resized. After Elysha became pregnant with Clara, I lost about 50 pounds, and the ring now slides off my finger easily.
I should get a new one. I know.
