I miss my wife.

A few years ago, I went to Sao Paulo, Brazil for 10 days to teach storytelling at an American School and consult with business owners on communication.

I was gone for 10 days.

It was the longest Elysha and I have been apart since we began dating back in 2004.

Somehow, that time apart was easier than these last 10 days.

Elysha has been in isolation in our bedroom since last Thursday because she tested positive for COVID-19 after she was quarantined for exposure to the virus at school. She sleeps and eats and exists in our bedroom while I sleep on the couch and live on the first floor. I’ve seen Elysha in person a handful of times – when I drop off food, pass through the bedroom quickly on my way to my closet for clothing, and on the rare occasion she comes downstairs to grab some food of her own.

In those cases, we are masked, and the moments are truly fleeting. I quick nod, and seconds later, we are apart once again.

We Facetime often. She joins us via Zoom at night as I read Harry Potter to the kids. We text and call constantly.

It’s been nine days so far. One more and she comes out of isolation, One more day until I can sleep in my bed again and be with her.

Somehow these days have been harder than the 10 days spent 5,000 away in Brazil.

It’s not that I was busier in Brazil. It’s not the added fear of Elysha’s illness has made this time harder. It’s simply the fact that she is just 10 feet away from me, sitting in a bed directly overhead, and I can be with her.

“So close, yet so far” has never felt more real than it does now.

Last night, I was watching Springsteen on Broadway again, and once again, that magical man cracked my heart open, as he always does. But instead of having Elysha to lean on, I was alone, heart exposed, tears in my eyes, two small, utterly oblivious cats by my side.

I think they know how lonely I am. They stare at me a lot. They look worried.

Then again, maybe they just want another treat.

I am not the kind of spouse who needs time away from his wife. I am not the person who benefits from distance. Absence does not make my heart grow fonder. It’s already quite a bit fond. As fond as I’m going to get.

I’m bursting with fondness.

I really, really like the company of my wife. The sitting close, eye contact, I can feel the rhythm of her breathing kind of closeness that these 10 days has deprived me. And when that closeness is so close and yet unreachable, it’s awful.

I can’t wait until tomorrow.