Naomi Kritzer wrote a blog post entitled “Gifts for Peple You Hate, 2024.”I loved this idea.
When a student has a birthday, I give them a packet of passes that permit them to skip a homework assignment, enjoy 15 minutes of academic freedom, eat all day, and the like, but I also give them an autographed photo of me, just to annoy them.
Bad gifts are fun, even when you love the recipient.
But when you hate the recipient, it gets even better.
So, given it’s the holiday season, I thought I’d make my own “Gifts for People You Hate” list.
Kritzer’s list tends to center on odd gifts that the recipients won’t know what to do with — things like ugly decanters and bizarre teapots.
My ideas are admittedly more nefarious, pointed, and aggressive than Kritzer’s choices.
They are also real. It would’ve been easy to invent gifts for the list, but to add an item to my list, I had to either find it online or know it could be specialty-ordered.
I’ve already ordered three items from my list. I don’t have recipients in mind yet, but I like to be ready.
If you’d like to propose an idea for the list, please feel free to do so.
Gifts for People You Hate, 2025
- A jigsaw puzzle with 1,000 pieces — one piece missing
- A framed photo of yourself looking incredibly successful
- A gift card with $1.73 left on it
- A custom calendar featuring 12 of their least flattering photos
- A 500-piece puzzle entirely of a beige square
- Amazon’s 55-gallon barrel of passion sex lube
- A greeting card filled with glitter
- A journal titled “My Mistakes: Volume 1 of 347″
- A monthly subscription to deodorant
- An engraved mirror that reads: “This is who you’re stuck being”
