In his newsletter, The Daily Coach, Mike Lombardi offers four lessons for dealing with terrible bosses. He was watching Succession at the time and witnessing the rise of the character Tom Wambsgans, who turned out to be a monster.
I have been both a boss and an employee throughout my working life, so I am familiar with both sides of that leadership coin. Today, I consult with business owners, managers, and even CEOs on issues related to leadership, so I’m often involved in discussions and decision-making on this topic.
Leadership does not come naturally to many people. It takes work, practice, and study to be effective.
I liked Mike’s list a lot and almost immediately found ways in which I have incorporated his lessons into my life.
For the record, my current boss is not a monster, but I have certainly worked for monsters in the past. I’m unsure if any former or current employees would characterize me as a monster, but I hope not.
But anything is possible.
Here is Mike’s list of suggestions for dealing with a terrible boss, along with my reflections:
1. Set boundaries: Be assertive but diplomatic in communicating your limitations.
A boss once asked me to lie to a governing body about money and the budget.
I refused.
He was exceedingly angry with me. He later made the request a second time, and when I refused again, he threatened me.
I informed him that if he took action against me, I would inform the governing body and his boss of his request. Also, I had taken extemporaneous notes on the incident, so I had evidence of his attempt at corruption.
He was never able to bother me again about this or anything else. I held this incident over his head like a Sword of Damocles, which was pretty great since he was a spineless, narcissistic monster.
This was an example of setting diplomatic boundaries.
2. Manage expectations: Ensure that you have a clear understanding of your boss’s expectations.
Understanding expectations is essential, but if you simply do your best and make the logical, ethical, and most effective decisions possible, you won’t need to worry much about your boss’s expectations.
Just do your job to the best of your ability, and the rest will often fall into place.
Your boss will let you know if you’re unknowingly failing at some aspect of your work.
3. Maintain professionalism: While dealing with an ambitious boss, it’s essential to remain professional in all interactions. Stay focused on your work, meet deadlines to the best of your ability, and maintain a positive attitude.
My advice:
Your primary objective regarding your relationship with your boss is to avoid placing any demands on them unless absolutely necessary. This means solving your own problems, minimizing unnecessary communication between you and your boss whenever possible, and looking for opportunities to remove things from your boss’s plate.
Be the person who quietly and efficiently takes care of business.
Oddly, some people feel that “face time” is essential for a positive relationship with your boss. You must see your boss every day and make an impression. This is not true. Almost every boss in the world would prefer that employees do their jobs and move on, connecting only when necessary and appropriate.
This is the best way to get the boss’s attention.
Leave your boss alone. Save your face time for scheduled meetings, moments of actual need, and when the boss genuinely wants to connect.
4. Develop coping mechanisms: Practice self-care by engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge.
The notion of self-care receives enormous attention today, but as far as I can tell, few people engage in self-care regularly. Even worse, when people see someone engaging in meaningful self-care, they often openly question, cast aspersions, or even mock that person’s drive, desire, or capacity to complete their work well.
I take self-care very seriously. I don’t call it “self-care” because labeling commonsense things that have existed forever is silly and only opens it up to attack (“woke” is a perfect example of this), but I believe in selfishly supporting your own happiness to be your very best for those around you.
Put the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on another person.
For me, this means playing golf before work whenever possible. Exercising daily. Listening to music. Following a rigorous sleep routine. Petting my cats often. Looking up into trees and sky whenever possible. Meditating. Playing with my kids as much as they will allow. Holding Elysha’s hand. Attending storytelling, Broadway, and comedy shows with friends. Reading. Hugging loved ones. Speaking positively about myself to myself.
But it doesn’t take much.
Take a walk around the block. Spend a few minutes, every day, in nature. Compliment yourself aloud. Talk to a friend.
Yesterday, a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while called me while I was driving to work, simply to chat. The dozen or so minutes we spent talking and laughing were a glorious way to begin my work day.
Take care of yourself to better manage the challenges of a terrible boss, a toxic work environment, your inept coworkers, or your monstrous customers.
It won’t make any of them disappear, but it will help you mitigate their power and influence over you considerably.
