When stumped by a life choice in 2023, let me suggest you choose “expansion” over happiness.
Jungian therapist James Hollis argues that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?” but by “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?”
We’re terrible at predicting what will make us happy. It’s almost ridiculous to try. It’s why, like Hollis, I endorse saying yes to every possibility afforded to us. To believe that you know what a new opportunity might yield is nothing more than ridiculous, blind hubris.
I was recently told by a 19-year-old woman that she didn’t need to learn to jump rope because she was never going to need that skill in the future.
Just imagine the amount of hubris required to believe that you can accurately predict your future preferences and needs at the age of 19.
It’s astounding.
You simply never know.
When given the choice, expand your life. Add to it whenever possible. Try new stuff.
When I took a stage in New York City in July of 2011 intending to tell one story for The Moth, I never could’ve guessed that my first victory would eventually lead to another 100 Moth StorySLAMs, 58 victories, and 9 GrandSLAM championships.
More importantly, I never imagined it would afford me the opportunity to perform on stages around the world.
I could never have imagined that the decision to tell one story on one stage would one day result in me consulting with Fortune 100 companies, universities and school districts, attorneys, clergy members, filmmakers, public speakers, and more. Writing and publishing books on storytelling. Building a new storytelling business with partners from around the world.
I could never have predicted that one night on a New York stage would lead to the launch of Speak Up. I could never have envisioned that Elysha and I would produce more than 100 live shows throughout New England, create a podcast that receives tens of thousands of downloads every month, and build a worldwide audience. I didn’t have the foggiest notion about the number of fascinating people we would meet and the new friends we would make while running our company.
It wouldn’t have seemed possible that we would have a United States Senator on the Speak Up stage someday.
Choose expansion over happiness whenever possible. Add things to your life whenever possible and watch what happens.
When my friend asked me to be a wedding DJ with him – something I did not want to do – I chose expansion over happiness, and it made all the difference.
When my friends asked me to play golf – a game I had always thought of as stupid, boring, and elitist – I chose expansion over happiness, and it has made all the difference.
When my friend asked me to write a musical with him – something I absolutely did not want to do – I chose expansion over happiness, and it has made all the difference.
When Elysha told me that she wanted two new cats – something I never wanted again after the death of our dog and cats – I chose expansion over happiness, and it made all the difference.
When Elysha told me that she wanted another child – when I thought one was just fine – I chose expansion over happiness, and it has made all the difference.
Choose expansion whenever possible.
A fuller life is almost always a happier life.
Happy New Year.
