Some of the entries in my “Worst Case Scenario” desktop calendar are better and more relevant than others.
“How to survive an earthquake” and “How to survive a bear attack” feel relevant and possibly important.
“How to survive an elephant stampede” seems less so.
But the prize for the dumbest entry so far goes to this:
How to Survive Being Locked Out of Your House
- Check for rear or side windows that may be locked.
- Press palms flat against the glass at the sides of the window frame and push upward. Alternatively, insert any available thin, sturdy implement into the base of the window and try to pry it open.
- If you must break a window for entry, break the smallest possible window that is still large enough to crawl through.
- Reach through the broken pane and open the window — do not crawl through the broken pane.
It seems as if each suggestion is trying its hardest to sound as stupid and obvious as possible.
Check if the windows are unlocked?
If you need to break a window, don’t make it the wall-sized picture window?
Don’t crawl over broken glass?
Also, why aren’t “Call a locksmith” or “Why didn’t you hide a key somewhere outside your house, dumbass?” two of the suggestions?
All of the “Worst Case Scenario” suggestions oddly go straight to the windows.
Check them
Force them.
Break them.
These shouldn’t even be options.
My suggestions would be:
- Check whether the other doors to the house are unlocked.
- Check whether the windows are unlocked.
- Call the other people who live with you. Ask if they have a key and when they will be home.
- Call a locksmith.
- While you wait for a locksmith, plan for next time this happens. Choose a neighbor or a hiding place to plant an extra key. Contemplate the decisions that led to this moment. And for God’s sake, don’t go breaking any windows.
Yesterday, I read, “How to De-escalate a confrontation.”
It offers four reasonable suggestions, including avoiding using angry words, reflecting the individual’s emotions with “you” statements, and monitoring verbal and visual cues.
All fine, but my favorite strategy is simply this:
Out-crazy the crazy.
In a confrontation, make the opponent believe that you are capable of almost anything. They will usually cause them to immediately de-escalate.
Easy-peasey.
Perhaps I should write my own “Worst Case Scenario” calendar for 2027, which would unfortunately need to include:
“How to avoid being sued by a company for stealing their branding and name to make a profit.”
