We’re having brunch at Effie’s—a restaurant we visit often. One of the servers is a good friend of Elysha, so she stops by the table, and we share Halloween stories.
What did the kids wear for costumes?
How late were they out?
Did you have fun?
It was joyous, lovely, and quick.
When Elysha’s friend left the table and went back to work, a woman at a table of four sitting near us banged on the back of her booth to get our attention. Then she leaned around to make herself seen.
I assumed we knew her, and that she was saying hello. I leaned forward to see if I recognized her.
Then she said, “Could you quiet down the pep rally?”
We had apparently been too loud in sharing our Halloween stories.
I leaned a little closer and said, “No.”
I said it forcefully, emphatically, and without equivocation.
She slunk back into her hole.
This is the correct response to any jackass who makes any kind of request that you find offensive, inappropriate, passive-aggressive, or otherwise stupid.
Her comment was all of these things. We had been chatting with the server for less than a minute. We were not terribly loud. And the conversation had obviously come to an end. Even if we disturbed her conversation, the moment was clearly over.
She was a monster.
After I said, “No,” I hoped she might come back with an angry retort, because I had already dialed up a bunch of excellent responses and follow-up statements. All were scathing, biting, but because my children were with me, aggressively polite.
Clara was not a fan of my response. She doesn’t love confrontation, and she attempted to scold me for my response.
Charlie loved my response and was also hoping for more.
Elysha was in full support of my response and told Clara as much, but I suspect she wasn’t hoping for escalation.
But what I hoped Clara and Charlie learned from this encounter was the simple, effective, and appropriate response to anyone asking anything of you that you find objectionable:
“No.”
Never allow anyone to tell you how to behave
I have many other alternatives to a simple “No,” but they are admittedly more aggressive and not always advisable.
Also almost always more fun.
A certain segment of the population feels it can speak with impunity, either because they assume a position they do not deserve or, more likely, because they’ve been doing it their entire life without repercussion.
I am repercussion.
I encourage you to be repercussion.
Don’t let these monsters assume power they don’t possess.
Do not cede authority to these privileged cretins.
Never allow another human being to dictate your actions, especially when your actions were perfectly acceptable or reasonable.
“No” is a beautiful, two-letter retort to these villains, and in most cases, including yesterday, it produces the desired outcome.
It silences these monsters. It puts an end to their authoritarian attempts. It sends them scuttling back into their hole.
