I went to a dermatologist yesterday. Elysha sent me.
Apparently, you should (if you can) see a dermatologist every year or two to have your skin checked.
Little did I know.
I also did not know what to expect when I arrived.
When my name was called, I was brought to an exam room, and after the nurse asked me a few questions, she instructed me to strip down to my underwear. She placed a paper gown on the counter and said, “We have a gown for you here, but there’s no need to put it on. The doctor needs to see you in your underwear.”
“So you want me to just sit here in my underwear?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, and left.
So I stripped down to my underwear and waited. When the doctor walked in, I stood, and we shook hands and introduced ourselves, which was weird.
It’s odd to say hello to someone and shake hands when you’re wearing a pair of boxer briefs and nothing else, and your counterpart is fully clothed.
I wish I had video of the encounter. I’ll bet it looked hilarious.
Then she asked me to sit while she got her eyes within six inches of my body and began examining me, slowly moving from the top of my head down past my face to my chest and stomach. Around that time, with her face about four inches from my stomach, she said, “So I’ve seen you perform at Speak Up a bunch of times.”
It was odd to be sitting nearly naked in front of a person whose eyes were scouring every inch of my body, who also attends my shows and watches me perform.
It was the last thing I expected her to say.
I thanked her for supporting the show. She told me she enjoyed it very much.
Again, I was wearing nothing but a tight pair of boxer briefs. I’m sure this was just another day in the office for her, but for me, it was singular and amusing.
At one point, while standing so she could examine the backs of my legs. I said, “You’re kind of like a detective. All you’re missing is a magnifying glass and a crime.”
Apparently she has a magnifying glass if needed.
“I love my job,” she said, and went on to explain why.
I had two thoughts in this moment:
- Human beings are so incredibly diverse. I could never imagine loving her job, and it would be hard to pay me enough to do it, but she could probably never imagine loving my job, either. Isn’t that crazy? Two people possessing the same basic biology but such differing interests and desires.
- I’m so glad so many people in this world love to do things I would not. She’s probably saving lives every day doing something I would never want to do. Thank goodness for human diversity. It truly makes the world go round,
The exam lasted all of ten minutes.
In the end, I received a clean bill of health.
She complimented me on consistently wearing a hat. Apparently, the hat on top of my head looks great.
More importantly, I have no skin issues at all. Two small, “boring” moles, meaning they are not problematic in any way, and a couple of spots that might look like skin damage but are actually blood vessels closer to the skin than others.
“Genetics,” she said. I’ve apparently had them all my life.
I’ve never even noticed them.
Then again, I haven’t spent time examining my skin so closely and so expertly.
I need to do a better job applying sunscreen to the front of my neck and under my chin, but even that area is perfectly fine.
I don’t need to return for two years.
Huzzah.
I’ll probably see her in my audience before then. It will be hard for me to not say something if I do.
Something like:
“I see someone in the audience tonight who has recently seen me almost naked, and it wasn’t Elysha. In fact, sadly, she has probably examined my body more closely than my wife ever has.”
That will be fun.
