My friend David, who is an outstanding writer, once sent me this text message regarding notes on my latest manuscript:
“You’re the best person to receive a note because no matter what I say, I can’t hurt your feelings. And you’re probably one of the worst people to give a note because you don’t care about the other person’s feelings.”
He’s not right, but he’s almost right.
Yes, it’s true that a note will never hurt my feelings. Nor will a negative review, a scathing critique, or an outright rejection of my work.
Feedback is essential. It is exceptionally helpful but also easy to discard depending on its value.
I am also well aware that you can’t win them all.
But he wasn’t quite right about me not caring about the other person’s feelings when offering a note.
I care a great deal, which is why I am direct, honest, and specific. If you ask for my opinion, I will readily offer it, but I am kind enough to tell you exactly how I think, absent any fluff, sugar-coating, or attempt to make you feel good about something that isn’t working.
I’m definitely not nice, but I think I’m the best version of kind.
I offer exactly what you need, even when it’s hard to hear.
I’ll also tell you about anything I like or point out anything you’re doing well, not to make you feel better, but because positive feedback informs a person about what they are doing well and ensures that it continues and is perhaps done even more consistently.
All of that has value, too.
So no, I won’t be gentle with your feelings or complimentary when it’s not warranted, but I’ll always be direct, specific, honest, and, I think, quite helpful.
Hopefully, you don’t take it personally.
I certainly wouldn’t.
