Archive for September 2023

Clara texts Elysha and me from her iPad. She doesn’t own a phone, but she can text from her iPad using Wifi when she is inside the home. Her message: “The remote fell into the radiator.” This is annoying. It’s fallen into the radiator before, and oddly, it’s incredibly difficult to extract. I groan as…

In 1967, The Who performed on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. At the end of their second song, “My Generation,” the band begins destroying their instruments, as they were wont to do. Amid this destruction, drummer Keith Moon set off an explosive that destroyed his kick drum. He had done this before, but because he…

On Saturday, I’m standing at the counter at my local bank, waiting for a teller to help me escape a particularly challenging corner of red tape hell. A man approaches the teller to my left. “I’d like a cash advance,” he says. This catches my attention. For about two years – including a period of…

Want to know how to annoy kids of all ages? When they ask you for your favorite number or color, tell them you don’t have one. It completely disrupts their understanding of the world. For some, it’s as if the entire planet has shifted on its axis, and the apocalypse is near. What makes it…

On a flight to Washington, DC, earlier this summer, Clara, who talks to everyone, mentioned to the flight attendant as we were boarding that Charlie loves aviation and hopes to be a pilot someday. Less than a minute later, Charlie was sitting in the copilot’s seat, talking to the pilot. A month later, during our…

Follow-up on the letter I received from customer representative Dora C. on the Pirate Booty quandary. If you’re not aware, I wrote to the makers of Pirate Booty earlier this year asking if the name “Pirate Booty” references the pirate’s treasure or the pirate’s butt. I’d been posing this question to my students relentlessly over…

A couple of years ago, I was playing golf with friends in Bermuda. We were standing in an elevated tee box, Atlantic Ocean to our left, condominiums to our right, and a large fairway down below. After my friends hit their typically impressive tee shots, it was my turn. I stood over the ball, visualized…

I did not attend the Patriots home opener on Sunday. It was the first home opener I missed in two decades. Instead, I was officiating the wedding of the daughter of a friend. It was an honor and a privilege to be asked to do something as important as marrying a couple, but admittedly, I…

As an elementary school teacher, I have made it my policy for two decades to avoid commenting on a student’s physical appearance. A student’s appearance should be the last thing of concern to a teacher, but more importantly, these comments, even when positive, can be damaging and hurtful to kids. This policy has been scoffed…

Every year since the fall of 2011, I’ve posted an annual list of my flaws and shortcomings online for people to read. I’m a weirdo. I know. It was a tradition born initially from spite. Back in 2011, a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number,…