Every time I tie my shoes…
Here's a little secret about me that I've never shared with anyone before:Every time I tie my shoes, I think of Mrs. Carroll, the teaching assistant who sat at a…
The Most Poorly Named Character in All of Literature
Willy Wonka. Charlie Bucket.Augustus Gloop.Veruca Salt. Violet Beauregarde.Grandpa Joe.Grandma Georgina.The Oompa Loompas. Amazing, perfect, ingenious character names from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, written by master storyteller Roald Dahl, who was born…
Vincent Van Gogh on Doctor Who makes me cry.
You may know that I don't handle mortality well. One of the things that hurts my heart most is the idea that when we die, we cannot see tomorrow. We'll never…
At last I am a Beautiful Person. Verified and confirmed by beautifulpeople.com.
In 2013, I applied twice for acceptance to beautifulpeople.com, a social networking site designed specifically for attractive people. Access to beautifulpeople.com is granted only if the members of the network deem…
“Flesh” was a crayon color.
Yes, Clara and Charlie. your daddy grew up in a time when "flesh" was an actual Crayola color. It's a miracle I survived.
First day of preschool apparently went well
I only wish I could've been there.Also, I'm still waiting for a restaurant chain to hire him as a spokesperson. That "thumbs up" is perfection.
Unknown but brilliant
I found this post-it note on my desk today. I have no idea which student wrote it, but he or she is clearly brilliant.
Shortcomings and Flaws: 2016
Years ago a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my…
I broke into the Brooklyn Navy Yard and committed a crime (I think)
I went to Brooklyn at the end of August to record a podcast at Slate. Slate moved its offices from a fairly convenient location in Manhattan to a terribly inconvenient location…
The bravest
One of the most quoted lines from Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend is this:“You have to be the bravest person in the world to go out every day, being yourself…
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