I spent a portion of Saturday night in the company of Elysha and some of her lady friends. They were discussing what their single straight girlfriends should look for in men.
I just sat and listened.
Men, based upon this conversation, here is what women want:
A responsible man with modest or better career prospects who possesses better than average intelligence and has “an edge.” Also, you should not be living with your parents or other family members.
This last part struck me as fairly obvious, but perhaps not so much in today’s world.
“An edge” appears to mean “not boring.” You need to have personal interests outside your career and family. You must possess strong opinions or feelings on things that matter to you. You should bring the promise of new frontiers and new possibilities to the relationship.
Things that apparently matter little to women:
- Physical appearance
- Prior marital status
- Golf handicap
- Trust funds
- Arrest record
- Wardrobe
- Musical preferences
- Familial safety nets
- Performance in bed
- The college or university that you attended
- The car that you drive
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Hair. What about hair? And teeth; should he have his own teeth?
I can’t speak for all women, but for many… hair is not essential. A man who embraces his incipient baldness is always sexier than one who does comb-overs or feels self-conscious and tries to hide it. As far as teeth… personally, I wouldn’t insist that he had all his own original teeth as long as he had implants, bridges, or secure dentures, i.e. he does his best to take care of his dental health. (My husband does happen to have good teeth, though. His hairline has started to recede and he has the beginning of a thinning patch near the back of his head, but I think it’s adorable and I would still date him if I met him for the first time today.)
Hopefully my couple less secure male friends read this comment.
As far as ‘things that apparently matter little to women’ I would like to quibble that not all of these are true of all women.
For me and other women I know physical appearance matters in that the man in question must be attractive to us (but doesn’t have to be male model material). I don’t know of anyone who is with someone who physically repels them.
I’d argue that wardrobe matters but in the sense that we prefer clean clothing that is appropriate to the situation. (With my definition of appropriate being very liberal. I would be disappointed in a man who showed up shirtless in a pair of swim trunks to a formal wedding , or anyone who intentionally chose clothing meant to make a mockery of a solemn occasion.)
Musical preferences matter very much in the sense that I have to be able to stand the type and volume of a fellow’s music. His musical taste doesn’t have to match mine, but as a person who likes a daily dose of peace and quiet, constant loud music that I can’t stand would be a huge deal-breaker.
Performance in bed and sexual compatibility matter.