How to annoy a child
As an elementary school teacher for the last 17 years, I have learned many ways to annoy a child. Here are just a few:
- If asked, declare that you have no favorite number.
- If asked, declare that you have no favorite color.
- Refuse to divulge your own middle name.
- Ask a child how many fingers he or she has. When the child says ten, point out that he or she only has eight because two of their digits are thumbs. Then seriously question the child’s intelligence.
- Say popular catch phrases in the most robotic and uninspired way possible while pretending like you are trying your best to say the phrase properly.
- Explain that the unicorn is not an imaginary animal but an extinct animal. Use the existence of the narwhal, the rhino, and all other horned land animals to support your assertion.
For the record, I have no favorite number or color.
I have a middle name but often provide children with a false name.
And I have convinced dozens of children that unicorns were once real before laughing at their naivety.
