How to annoy a child

As an elementary school teacher for the last 17 years, I have learned many ways to annoy a child. Here are just a few:

1. If asked, declare that you have no favorite number.
2. If asked, declare that you have no favorite color.
3. Refuse to divulge your own middle name.
4. Ask a child how many fingers he or she has. When the child says ten, point out that he or she only has eight because two of their digits are thumbs. Then, seriously question the child’s intelligence.
5. Please say popular catchphrases in the most robotic, uninspired way possible, while pretending you are trying your best to say the phrase properly.
6. Explain that the unicorn is not an imaginary animal but an extinct animal. Use the existence of the narwhal, the rhino, and all other horned land animals to support your assertion.

For the record, I have no favorite number or color.

I have a middle name, but I often provide children with a false name.

And I have convinced dozens of children that unicorns were once real, only to laugh at their naivety.

unicor