I hereby call for a boycott on the stupidity of packaged greeting cards

At some point in recent history, it was determined that a certain breed of pretentious, overpriced, faux-artsy greeting cards should be individually wrapped in cellophane.

This must stop.

Not only does it allow these greeting card companies to charge you $5 or more for a greeting card, but the practice is wasteful and purposeless, and above all, stupid.

Truly, utterly, exorbitantly stupid.

I hereby call for the boycott of all greeting cards wrapped in cellophane or any other packaging material.

We end this pretentious practice today.

Who is with me?

I’d raise my sword over my head and roar to get you excited if this wasn’t the Internet.

And if I had a sword.