Archive for June 2010
Spoiled
I know it’s not even July, but football season is nearly upon us and I couldn’t be happier. In just a couple short months, my beloved Patriots will begin playing again, and for the first time in nearly twenty years, I will have season tickets to the games. I can’t tell you how much I…
Read MoreTelltale signs
I was listening to an interesting story on mapping on This American Life today, and it gave me the idea of writing the short story or a novella in which a protagonist’s life is told through the scars on his or her body. A series of keystone events in the protagonist’s life with a scar…
Read MoreSlacker book club extraordinaire
I’m a member of a slacker book club. Yes, I’ve heard stories about slacker book clubs before, and perhaps you are even a member of one yourself. But my slacker book club is the most slackery of all book clubs on the face of the Earth, because taking months to read the book or not…
Read MoreConfirmed perfection
I was watching Journeyman today, a show that was sadly cancelled by NBC after just one season. In the episode, two characters are discussing the possibility of marriage. The female character asks, “Are you looking for a woman who will eat take-out and watch South Park?” The male character responds, “If I hold out for…
Read MoreAvoid cannibalism under these McSweeney’s-referenced circumstances
I reference the apocalypse often. Not the apocalypse mentioned in the Bible, but the real possibility that someday, governments will collapse as a result of a man-made or natural disaster (or zombie invasion) and human beings will find themselves living in the Stone Age again. While I am not looking forward to this day, I…
Read MoreConfronting a coward
I was standing in line at 7-11 yesterday. The line was long and not moving quickly. There was only one register open and I could see the frustration on the customer’s faces as I entered the line with bottle of Diet Coke in hand. Thankfully I also had my iPhone with me and a healthy…
Read MoreAn absolute out-of-the-park must-read
Behold! The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, my newest favoritest place on the Internets. Wit and wisdom, combined with amusing pop-culture references and a deep understand of the human condition. A truly astonishing blend of truth and humor. Here are just five of my favorite obscure sorrows lists: Knight Rider syndrome n. disillusionment upon rewatching a…
Read MorePay to pray is shameful and disgusting. It needs to end.
A few years ago, in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” the comedian Larry David bought scalpers’ tickets to his congregation’s High Holy Day services, and was kicked out when his subterfuge was discovered. It was extremely funny but only because of the biting truth behind the gag. If you’re not aware, most Jewish temples…
Read MoreMonopoly, short and cruel
When I was a kid, I stopped playing Monopoly because of my best friend, Bengi. Whenever we sat down to play, he would rally the other players against me, making it the group’s sole purpose to knock me out of the game before even began competing against one another. As long as Matty lost, everyone…
Read MoreThe bird
My hands contain a total of ten digits. Eight fingers and two thumbs. Though these appendages are my own, social mores prevent me from raising my middle finger while in public, even if the reason is to point out the approach of a rapidly descending airplane, an oncoming train, an escaped tiger or the sudden…
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