At last! A job tailor-made to my abilities.

When Clara is old enough, I will tell her to try to combine her talent and her passion into her choice of career in order to ensure happiness and success.
And if I ever get tired of teaching and writing, I think I’ve found a job tailor-made for my skill set.

IDump4U.com is a service by which you can pay $10 to hire a professional to breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend over the phone. Launched by social media consultant Bradley Laborman, IDump4U.com will also break off engagements and end marriages for an additional fee.

Company founder Bradley Laborman will not only dump the object of your un-affection, but he will say all of the things you’re unable to say yourself. Fill out the site’s dump form and offer up your reasons behind the breakup to be read by Laborman.

Normally I am opposed to all forms of passive-aggressive, non-direct behavior, but this opportunity may be too good to pass up. Even though I despise the use of email or telephone calls to express serious emotion, there are people in the world who have difficulty dealing with conflict, find it impossible to be direct and have significant others who would make a breakup exceedingly difficult (as evidenced by some of the calls that have been recorded and posted on the website).

If you are one of those people, I can help. Utilizing my ability to be direct and honest, combined with my fondness for shadenfreude, this seems like a career built for my talents.

And as a special introductory deal, the first five customers will receive my services for free.

Email now.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is RentAFriend.com.

RentAFriend.com offers up friends for hire with prices ranging from $10 to $150. If you need someone to go to a movie with, go for dinner with or be a wingman on a night out with, you can just search the site and connect with someone who’s willing to do it with you—for a fee.

The site, which has been around for six months, already has a reported 200, 000 members.

This is not the job for me. While I am certainly capable of being a good friend (though some of my friends may disagree), I may be too honest to fake a friendship with someone who is desperate enough to pay me to be their temporary friend. Fifteen minutes into our friendship session, I’d inevitably be diagnosing the reasons why this person has no friends and pointing these flaws out to them, hoping to make changes in their otherwise pathetic lives.

Perhaps I could even review my Friendship Application with them (which I am currently revising), in hopes that they might learn something in the process.

Perhaps instead of RentAFriend.com, I should launch WhyYouAreALoser.com.

This seems more suited to my skill set.