As you may have heard, the Kennedy Center has been teetering since Donald Trump slapped his name on the building and took over.
Can you imagine how needy you must be to put your own name on a building like the Kennedy Center? It’s so odd to think that by putting your own name on a building, anyone on the planet would be impressed or think of you as anything other than:
Emotionally incontinent
Chronically dependent on attention for basic functioning
Emotionally tethered to the nearest source of affirmation
A walking plea for reassurance
A fully grown person still negotiating object permanence
A report to Human Resources might sound something like this:
Requires an unusually high level of emotional support
Benefits from frequent reassurance and guidance
Displays dependency that exceeds the role’s expectations
Not yet operating with the autonomy this environment demands
“Demonstrates challenges with emotional independence
In response to Trump’s takeover, artists have been cancelling shows almost daily.
Trump hosted the Kennedy Center Honors in December, promising it would be the highest-rated Kennedy Center broadcast ever.
He was slightly off.
This year’s Kennedy Center Honors was the worst-rated broadcast in the show’s history by a wide margin. down more than 25% from the previous year — also the single-highest decline in viewship by a wide margin.
This must’ve been hard on such a needy, thin-skinned narcissist.
But here’s my favorite part of this Kennedy Center sage:
Apparently able to see the future, a South Park writer named Toby Morton quietly bought up domain names tied to the Kennedy Center’s controversial new name months before the board officially voted to rename the building, or even before anyone mentioned such lunacy.
The Kennedy Center board voted in mid-December to rename the building “The Donald J. Trump and The John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts.”
By then, Toby Morton had owned the domain names for almost five months.
“As soon as Trump began gutting the Kennedy Center board earlier this year, I thought, ‘Yep, that name’s going on the building,'” Morton said.
Morton has a history of doing things like this, launching parody sites of DeSantis (“DeFascist”) and Florida book banners that have turned into nationwide crusades.
Not surprisingly, DeSantis and the book banners also responded with temper tantrums of their own.
Morton is still deciding the best way to enrage Trump with these recent domain purchases.
It won’t be hard. I’m sure there have been human beings more petulant and needy than Donald Trump, but I have yet to meet one. And petulance and neediness are easy to enrage, especially when they are already so universally despised by so many.
Toby Morton: Today’s comedic hero, doing his part to annoy the monsters and fools and bringing a little joy to the masses.
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Dead on with this, Matt. Why doesn’t he donate a hospital wing or a library with his name if he wants things named after him???