Pretending to not be dead
Author Sallie Tisdale argues that we get ready to die by first admitting that “we are all future corpses pretending we don’t know.”
I’m not sure that I agree.
I am both:
- The least prepared to die of anyone I know.
- More persistently, relentlessly aware of my mortality than anyone I know.
Two near-death experiences (requiring CPR to restore my life) and a gun to the head (trigger pulled) will do that to you. While a great many people may be future corpses pretending to not know, I am decidedly not.
In fact, when the pandemic first landed on our shores back in early 2020, my therapist commented that I was uniquely prepared for the moment.
To paraphrase:
You’ve been waiting for unseen forces to return and try to kill you again for more than two decades. You’ve spent most of your life in a constant state of elevated vigilance, simultaneously working to keep yourself safe and alive while also ensuring that you don’t suffer any regret when and if you die. The pandemic has caused everyone to finally catch up to you. We all feel like you’ve always felt.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Suddenly everyone in the world was as afraid as I am every day.
I experienced similar feelings in the months following 9/11. People began talking about how fragile life is and how important it is to make every day count. At the time, my thought was, “I’ve been trying to tell you this for years!”
You may be a future corpse pretending otherwise, but I’m not pretending one bit. I am keenly aware of how we all live on the knife’s edge.
And unlike what Sallie Tisdale says, it hasn’t helped me one bit.
But if Tisdale’s idea helps you, you’re welcome.