I recently heard an inspirational speaker refer to “our painful, messy lives.”
I really hate this nonsense.
I often hear public speakers, comedians, storytellers, and civilians make these sweeping claims, implying that everyone, at all times, is struggling, anxiety-ridden, overwhelmed, exhausted, despondent, confused, and a dozen other bits of tragedy and disaster.
“We’re all overworked.”
“Everyone is dealing with unprecedented levels of stress these days.”
“The loneliness epidemic has impacted us all.”
“We are all walking around like anxious mice.”
“The world feels like it’s coming unglued.”
“We are all burdened with uncertainty and dread.”
I hear sentences like this from people all the time, and especially from people on stages and screens.
I hate this because:
- It’s not true.
- It makes humanity and the world sound endlessly miserable and painful.
- It validates the doomsayers, catastrophizers, and pessimists
- It makes excuses for those who are failing to succeed because they lack effort, desire, decency, flexibility, cooperation, and punctuality. Also, an unwillingness to get off the couch, put down the video game controller, turn off Netflix, forgo the marijuana gummies, and focus less on get-rich-quick schemes like sports betting, day trading, and cryptocurrency.
Yes, life can be painful and messy at times.
Yes, there have been times when my life was messy and painful.
Sometimes it was my own fault.
More often than not, circumstances aligned against me, turning my life into an unmitigated disaster.
But while my life was falling apart, I was keenly aware of others who were soaring, striving, and succeeding. My life may have been painful and messy at the time, but that didn’t apply to all of humanity, and I hoped it wouldn’t be true for the remainder of my life.
It was my messy, painful life. I didn’t assume my messy, painful state applied to everyone.
Similarly, when my life is going well – which happens far more often than not – I’m also keenly aware of those around me who are struggling.
As an elementary school teacher who also knows a great many people, how could I not?
At any given moment, the people around me are dealing with messy, painful lives.
But all? Constantly and forever?
No. Not constant. Not always.
All of the nonsense about “everyone” constantly suffering from anxiety, exhaustion, confusion, and loneliness simply isn’t true. It merely appeals to many people’s tendency to see the glass as half empty.
Their desire is to drag everyone into their worldview and philosophy.
It’s simply not the case.
One of my students learned about anesthesia this week and said, “We live at the best time. We have anesthesia. We’re so lucky!”
Indeed. Just imagine what life might be like without anesthesia.
“Messy and painful” wouldn’t come close to describing it.
But we do. In the words of my student, “We’re so lucky!”
Life can certainly be hard and messy at times. I know this very well. I’ve certainly experienced long bouts of “messy and painful.”
But we also have anesthesia, indoor plumbing, books, Doritos, refrigeration, schools, football, air conditioning, organ transplantation, Bruce Springsteen, weather forecasting, vaccines, Broadway, washing machines, Maria Bamford, ice cream, on-demand music and video, hospitals, couches, golf, electricity, hot dogs, and all of human learning accessible to us at all times on a device in most of our pockets.
Messy and painful?
Sometimes.
Maybe more often for some than others.
Maybe more intensely for some than others.
But not all, and not always, as not as much as some would have you think.
