Not a joke. Also not funny.
Tiger Woods apologized Friday and said he didn’t mean to offend anyone by what he called “a prank” during the first round of the Genesis Invitational on Thursday.
After Woods’ tee shot went 20 yards past Justin Thomas’ ball on the ninth hole at the Riviera Country Club, Woods covertly passed a tampon to Thomas as they walked down the fairway. Thomas immediately dropped it to the ground, and Woods put his arm around Thomas’ shoulder as they laughed.
“Yeah, it was supposed to be all fun and games, and obviously, it hasn’t turned out that way,” Woods said. “If I offended anybody, it was not the case, it was just friends having fun.”
A lot is going on here.
First, Woods had to acquire tampons and put them in his pocket or golf bag in preparation for this moment. So this wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment lapse in judgment, for which I will always forgive a person.
This was a planned moment of stupidity.
Second, I understand the rationale behind the joke:
Men tend to hit golf balls farther than women, so if you hit the ball farther than your male friend, he is more akin to a woman.
And I get it. This type of humor is not unknown to me. I’ve heard golfers leave putts short on the green and sarcastically say to themselves, “Good job, Sally…” – implying that the putt was left short because they hit it like a girl.
I’ve also heard many people (including women) say things like, “Man up!” or “Don’t you have any balls?” – implying that acting more like a man is an indication of strength or courage.
I’ve certainly made similar comments in the past. During my glory days of fighting, I would often intentionally allow my opponent to land the first blow, then smile and say something like, “Wow, you hit like a girl.”
Stripping your opponent of their confidence is the first and most important step in beating them to a pulp.
But those days are long gone for me. Both the fighting (tragically) and the sexism (thankfully).
While I’m not overtly critical of someone who says, “Man up” or “Nice job, Sally,” I try like hell to refrain from comments like these myself, and I always stop my students when sex or gender is used in a pejorative way to explain the harm being done when comments like that are made.
But a public figure like Tiger Woods planning the exchange of a tampon in a public golf tournament?
It’s an outrageously stupid decision. A premeditated act of hateful sexism. An absolutely idiotic thing for someone in his position to do.
Even worse, it’s not even funny. Not only is it steeped in tired, overdone sexist tropes, and not only does it risk offending half of the human beings on the planet, but the joke is stupid.
It’s not funny.
It’s middle-school comedy at best.
Tiger Wood was stupid on two fronts on Friday:
- He acted like a sexist jerk.
- He was deeply, profoundly unfunny.
At the bottom of my golf bag, I have a tiny violin inside a tiny violin case. About the size of my pinkie finger. Someday in the future, when one of my friends begins whining over a bad bounce, an unlucky hop, and an unfortunate break, I will hand that friend the tiny violin and say, “Here. It’s the world’s smallest violin. Play yourself a sad song about your terrible misfortune.”
It won’t be the funniest joke in the world, and it’s admittedly predicated on a joke that’s been made many times before, but given the circumstances and setting, it will be unexpected and amusing. Perhaps, if executed well, with the right timing and the right audience, it could be legitimately hilarious.
And it will at least be original. I suspect that in the history of the human race, no golfer has ever handed another golfer a tiny violin on the golf course.
The people around us will most certainly laugh. The person receiving the violin will laugh, too. And whoever receives it will now possess a tiny violin, which they can either keep as a memento or pass it on similarly at a later date.
Best of all, no one will be offended by the exchange. Even violinists might find the joke amusing.
Also, the humor will not require the exchange of a feminine hygiene product and will not be based on misogyny.
I will always find the kind of humor that Tiger Woods trafficked in on Friday stupid, sexist, and sometimes even hateful. And when the moment is right, I may even express my concerns to friends who make similar jokes, though I admittedly often let those moments pass lest I embarrass them or ruin an otherwise good day.
But if you’re a public figure standing in the public square, you can’t make jokes like this and expect the world to ignore your sexism or give you a pass, particularly when your sexist, asinine joke was premeditated and planned.
We should all know better.
Tiger Woods should really know better.
