Never Have I Ever

I posted “Never Have I Ever” lists in 2014 and 2018.

Four years later, it’s time again.

My “Never Have I Ever” list.

I revisited the list from 2018 to see how much is still true, and it turns out that all 12 are still true today, and I’ve managed to add three more to the list.

1. Never purchased or used an illegal drug of any kind
2. Never purchased a lottery ticket
3. Never tasted coffee
4. Never smoked a cigarette
5. Never bruised
6. Never slept past 9:00 AM
7. Never swore in the presence of my parents
8. Never shoplifted
9. Never watched an episode of The Real Housewives, The Bachelor, or anything involving a Kardashian
10. Never owned an umbrella
11. Never used an emoji
12. Never eaten a salad
13. Never taken a selfie
14. Never worn a piece of jewelry (except for my wedding ring, which I don’t wear)
15. Never owned or worn a watch (except for a golf watch designed to provide distance to the hole)

Notes:

I’ve never purchased or used an illegal drug of any kind because I was keenly aware at 18 that I was on my own, without any familial safety net. I knew I couldn’t afford to get into the kinds of trouble that drugs can cause because I had no one to bail me out.

I was on my own.

I also avoided drugs (and alcohol) throughout high school, recognizing their dangers and frankly never feeling the need to experiment.

For the record, Elysha never drank alcohol in high school either, so when people tell us that “kids are going to drink, no matter what we say or do,” we scoff.

If we could resist, it is possible for others to do the same.
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Certain people are obsessed with getting me to try coffee. I resist, of course. I purposely decided to avoid coffee at an early age after seeing people “need their coffee” every morning and abhorring its complexity. The multitude of preferred temperatures, brews, flavors, sweeteners, brands, and creams make this drink just too complicated for a person who strives for simplicity.

Also, I just don’t like hot beverages of any kind.
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I can’t explain why I don’t bruise, but I don’t. I’ve been with Elysha for nearly 20 years, and she’s never seen a bruise on my body even after plenty of accidents and major surgery. When I was 17, I nearly died in a head-on automobile collision that sent my head through the windshield and tore my legs open to the bone, but still no bruises.

It’s a stupid superpower, useful for nothing.
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My refusal to use an emoji is stupid. It’s gone from something I thought silly years ago to me just being a jerk now. They’re cute and easy to use today, and they’ve actually become quite useful in communication, but I resist only because I’m a jerk.
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I define a “selfie” as a photo taken of yourself by yourself. I’ve never taken one of these photos. I’ve taken photos of myself with other people, and I’ve appeared in many photos taken by someone who also appears in the photo, but I’ve never taken a photo of me by me.

This also started because I thought selfies were ridiculous (and for a while, the selfie stick confirmed this), but honestly, I never find myself in a moment when I want or need a photo of just myself.
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I don’t wear my wedding ring because it’s steel and can’t be resized. I lost about 50 pounds after Elysha became pregnant with Clara, and the ring now slides off my finger easily.

I should get a new one. I know.