Exciting news! I’m rich!
The website allfamousbirthday.com has a page dedicated to me, and the information listed is quite surprising.
The website accurately lists my educational background, birthday, place of birth, and all eight books that I’ve published, but it also says:
“Matthew Dicks is one of the richest American novelists & listed on most popular American novelist. According to our analysis, Wikipedia, Forbes & Business Insider, Matthew Dicks net worth is approximately $1.5 million.”
This was exciting news. I immediately opened my banking app to see if something had changed overnight. Perhaps unexpected royalties from one of my international publishers had landed in my account in a size never before seen, but alas, the amount of money we have remained the same.
I thought about adding up all of our retirement accounts, equity in our home, brokerage accounts, and the kid’s piggy banks, but that seemed like a lot of effort for little reward.
The website also states:
“According to our records, Matthew Dicks is possibly single & has not been previously engaged. As of December 2021, Matthew Dicks is not dating anyone.”
Perhaps I should check with Elysha to see if something has happened resulting in me becoming unknowingly single, but I think I would’ve at least been served papers if that were the case. Also, I know I’ve been previously engaged, so that bit of information is absolutely inaccurate. In fact, my proposal – made on the steps at Grand Central Station – was witnessed by about two dozen friends hiding in the holiday crowd.
Admittedly, Elysha never said yes. She only wept. But she then planned a wedding and married me, so I’ve always assumed her tears indicated a yes, and we were engaged.
Technically, I’m not dating anyone at the moment since I’m married, though if that’s the case, the last time I dated someone was way back in 2004 when I started dating Elysha.
Long before the December 2021 date stated on the website.
I wondered if this website was an outlier, so I Googled “Matthew Dicks net worth” and found many, many websites that all seem to agree that my net worth is somewhere between $1.5 and $2.5 million.
I know it’s been said many times that you can’t trust anything the internet says, and that is true. But when so many websites seem to agree on the same piece of inaccurate information, you start to see how false information can spread and become a reality for so many people.
In this case, the information, thankfully, isn’t damaging (unless the IRS audits me), but you can see how the spread of disinformation and lies can become cemented in the minds of others if spoken or written enough.
If only these websites would spread the kind of disinformation I would enjoy. Things like:
Reading Matthew Dicks’s novels makes you more attractive.
Most people purchase Matthew Dicks’s books by the baker’s dozen because they make the best gifts that a loved one could ever receive.
Matthew Dicks intentionally plays golf poorly to help boost his friend’s long-suffering egos.
When Matthew Dicks tells a joke in a standup routine that doesn’t get a laugh, it’s always because the audience was distracted at that moment by some idiot in the crowd or perhaps the appearance of a spaceship.
Matthew Dicks’s wife, Elysha Dicks, finds him entirely and wholly irresistible at every moment of the day and night.
Nothing wrong with disinformation if it
