PERSONAL FITNESS
1. Don’t die.
I still don’t have any feeling in my upper left thigh except when it’s occasionally on fire, but I’m otherwise feeling great. I have a nerve conduction test in March, which I’ve been told will be terrible.
Hooray for me.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I lost the three pounds that I gained in January plus one additional point.
So I’m down exactly one pound in 2022.
3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
I can resume sit-ups, push-ups, and planks today. Getting back to 100 per day isn’t going to be easy.
4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.
I rode the bike on 22 of 28 days in February, missing five days in a row because of a trip to Bermuda.
5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2.
Handicap established. After playing 81 holes of golf in Bermuda, my handicap is a whopping 35.4.
Should not be hard to lower that by at least 2. I hadn’t swung a club since mid October and was playing in high wind.
I can’t be that bad.
WRITING CAREER
6. Complete my seventh novel.
“Someday is Today” is complete. It hits bookstores on June 7.
I’ve submitted “Storyworthy 2” and my golf memoir to my agent for consideration.
I’ve begun the process of getting my first middle grade novel into shape for publication while tinkering with my next adult novel.
7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for potential sale.
The first 40,000 words are in excellent shape and in the hands of my agent. The remaining 40,000 words are still in rough draft form.
I await word from her.
8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.
I’ve begun writing a new picture book entitled “Hug a Fish.”
I’m also working on a partially written manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”
9. Complete a memoir.
I have two memoirs in progress:
One about the two year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.
Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.
The second is about the two year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.
I think I’ve decided to focus on this one. Writing it will also help inform the musical that my writing partner and I are working on.
I wrote about 5,000 new words in February.
10. Write a new screenplay.
No progress.
11. Write a solo show.
No progress.
12. Write a musical.
Outline (written on the way home from a Moth StorySLAM) received from my writing partner, Kaia.
13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
One essay submitted and rejected in January.
14. Write at least four letters to my father.
No progress.
15. Write 100 letters in 2022.
One letter written in February. First one of the year.
16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.
I’ve passed this project onto my production manager, so does that count as progress?
17. Read at least 12 books.
I finished John Green’s “The Anthropocene Reviewed” in February.
I’m now reading “Liar’s Poker” by Michael Lewis and “Matrix” by Lauren Groff.
My list of completed books now includes:
“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like.
No progress.
STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER
19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers.
I have abandoned my small, currently frigid office for an actual studio. I spent 10 hours on Saturday recording, and I’ll spend another 10 hours next Saturday, at which point I should have all of the recording for my first course complete.
It’s not a great way to spend a Saturday, but it’s getting the work done.
I’m also purchasing a whisper room, which is a pre-fab recording studio for the basement. This will eliminate my struggles with the noise and interruptions of children, the wind, the neighbor’s dog, our cats, and doorbells.
20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.
Success, though it was fairly easy. I received 11 direct messages in February and responded to each of them.
21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.
We scheduled our first two shows for 2022:
A benefit show for my school on March 19 and a live, outdoor show on July 13 in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum.
We’ll be scheduling additional shows soon. Venues are clamoring for our return, and I think our pandemic pause might end soon.
22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.
No progress.
23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
I attended a Moth StorySLAM in February at Housing Works in NYC.
My first of 2022.
24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.
DONE! I won the February StorySLAM in New York. I’m on a roll. Four StorySLAM victories in a row!
25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
Waiting for the next Moth GrandSLAM to be scheduled.
26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
Recording was going to commence in February. It did not. March?
27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel.
Progress! My production manager has begun to structure and re-design the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release.
28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.
It appears that the open mic comedy night is now running at The Elbow Room in West Hartford, and I found a listing of possible open mics throughout Connecticut.
I’m getting my five minutes ready.
29. Pitch a story to This American Life.
No progress.
30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.
No progress.
31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week).
One newsletter sent in January. One newsletter sent out in February.
I’m two behind.
HOME
32. Clear the basement.
The job is about 80% complete. Huge progress. The basement is officially organized. I need to eliminate many, many things from the basement now, which may require a dumpster.
33. Organize the children’s books.
Enormous progress made. Books have been removed from the kids’ bedrooms and divided into three bins:
- Keep in rotation for kids/students
- Store for future grandchildren
- Give away to those in need
I’ve been slowly emptying the giveaway bin.
FAMILY/FRIENDS
34. Text or call brother or sister once per month.
Done.
35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.
I was away from the kids for four days while in Bermuda, but Elysha took pictures during that time, so done!
I need to take more pictures of Clara, who avoids the camera more than her brother.
36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.
No photos taken of just Elysha and me in January or February.
I’m a giant failure, particularly given that Elysha is so damn pretty.
But my friend Kate Byroade has offered a suggestion that should work well going forward.
37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
No progress.
38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
Done. One of my students arrived to school with her hair styled in a new way and asked me what I thought.
I said, “I think you’re a fantastic person, a kind-hearted soul, and I think the work you’ve been doing with fractions this month has been amazing.”
She smiled and didn’t ask me again about her hair, which did look lovely.
39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance.
This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children quite a bit.
It’s also fairly easy when I’m playing golf. While my friends and I relentlessly tease each other about bad shots and stupid decisions on the golf course, we also constantly compliment one another about well played shots. I was worried that while in Bermuda, I would need to consciously compliment people to meet this goal, but it turned out to be automatic.
In an effort to raise the bar, I complimented a McDonald’s employee on his cheerfulness every day and four of my colleagues for things they do all the time that perhaps go unnoticed.
40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.
Yesterday I met Elysha with a Starbucks caramel macchiato, which doesn’t sound like much but it was perfectly timed. It also meant that I had to enter a Starbucks, which is like a distant planet to me, and ask for something “small, sweet, and delicious” for my wife.
When the barista suggested a caramel macchiato, I thought, “I don’t understand the words he just said, but if the caramel in the drink is the same caramel that I put on my ice cream sundaes, it will probably be good.”
So I said, “Yes, please.”
Elysha was very pleased.
Earlier in the month, I presented Elysha with her latest Pusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.
I also presented Elysha with the complete set of Smith College china – not on Valentine’s Day like I had planned because I’m an idiot who ruined the surprise – but 10 days before.
That’s three surprises so far in 2022.
41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.
Two games played in February. One virtually and one live in Bermuda.
Two in total in 2022.
Another virtual game scheduled for March.
42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.
No progress. We have spoken and texted but not yet gotten together.
NEW PROJECTS
43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.
No progress.
44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs.
I’m still working on “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.
I’ve also nearly memorized the lyrics to Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” Elysha questioned the choice, but it’s Queen, damn it.
45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week.
I missed a week while in Bermuda but otherwise done!
46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.
Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it.
47. Memorize 5 new poems.
I considered memorizing “Casey at the Bat” or “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” and I may still try one or both, but they are long, and I wanted one a little shorter to start, so I’m still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson.
I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.
48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.
No progress.
49. Understand Instagram better.
No progress.
50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.
No progress. I started plotting the completion of this task in early February, but it brought back feelings of disappointment and regret that annoyed the hell out of me. Boy Scouts was the most positive force in my life when I was young. I still use so many of the skills that I learned in Scouting today. Yet to miss out on becoming an Eagle Scout because of a near-fatal car accident and the Boy Scouts of America’s unwillingness to grant me an extension still stings, even 30 years later.
I’ll complete the project, but I won’t be as happy about it as I once thought.
51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.
Done.
