Archive for September 2018
New Jersey is different and dumb.
I’m a nonconformist. I am not opposed to doing something different if the difference comes from a place of logic, efficiency, or common sense. I don’t wear neckties because they serve no purpose other than acting as floral nooses. I refuse to respond to anyone who has checked the restroom door, determined it to be…
Read MoreNot every service dog is equal
I was standing in line at CVS. The person in front of me, placing items on the counter, was blind. She had a service dog at her side. As the woman’s items were being scanned, the dog stuck its muzzle into the Snickers bars, pulled one out, and in seconds had bitten the candy bar…
Read More68 garments?
The average American buys about 68 garments every year, which is up from just 20 garments per year in 1999. 68? Honestly 20 sounds like a lot, but if we add socks and underwear to the mix, I might exceed 20 garments in a year, but 68? That’s one item of clothing every 5 days…
Read MoreWhy people think women aren’t as funny as men (maybe)
A while ago, I sat through a four hour meeting. 18 women and me. Par for the course in elementary education. An observation: About halfway through the meeting, it occurred to me that I was the only person trying to be funny. I was the only one going for the laugh. The only one speaking…
Read MoreFeline interference
I have the same exact struggle with my cat with one exception: I’m not just doing surgery when Plto sits across my forearms. I’m writing. A far more serious piece of business.
Read MoreSpeak Up Storytelling #17: Robin Gelfenbien
Episode #17 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast is ready for your listening pleasure. We start by talking about finding and crafting stories in your everyday life using my strategy “Homework for Life.” We talk about the Homework for Life submitted by a listener, and I offer up three Homework for Life moments from the…
Read MoreSerena is beautiful. You are a terrible human being.
Comedian Amber Ruffin alerted me via Late Night with Seth Meyers that horrible human beings have recently been insulting Serena Williams for her physical appearance, specifically related to a black body suit that she wore at the French Open but also for her physicality in general. In the words of Amber Ruffin, “When you’re skinny,…
Read MoreNames are interesting. And confusing.
I met a woman in Iowa who has five brothers and one sister. Her five brothers are named after Biblical characters whose names begin with J. James, John, Jesse, Jude, and Joshua. Her sister’s name is Anne. It was their grandmother’s name. The woman who I met is named Amanda. When she was born, her…
Read MoreOcelots have a lot of sex. My daughter told me.
My daughter, Clara just told me that an ocelot mates up to 70 times each day. My first thought: Sounds like a hell of a lot of fun to be an ocelot. My second thought: Did my nine year-old daughter just tell me that the ocelot has sex up to 70 times a day? My…
Read MoreEmpathy vs. I believe in you
I’ve been accused of lacking empathy on more than one occasion. This accusation takes many forms, but the most common one goes something like this: I fail to recognize and acknowledge the struggles and limitations of others, as well as the advantages that I enjoy. As a result, I often expect more than is sometimes…
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