Yesterday I posted about six (which expanded to seven and then eight) fairly ubiquitous things that I have never done that most people have.
I was asked to explain my rationale on these issues many times. I will do so here:
1. I have never purchased a lottery ticket.
This is simply a matter of playing the odds. I have a better chance of being elected President (fact) than winning Powerball. As a poker player, I only play hands that give me a realistic chance to win. The lottery does not provide realistic odds.
2. I have never taken a selfie.
I think the selfie is kind of stupid. I have never wanted a photograph of myself unless I required one for professional reason.
It’s also important to note that I define a selfie as a photo of oneself. Add my children into a photo and I am no longer taking a selfie. I rarely take these photos either, but I have taken a few.
3. I have never used an emoji.
As a writer, I prefer words. There may come a day when I feel differently, but not today.
4. I have never yelled at my children in anger or frustration.
In the words of my good friend, as an elementary school teacher for more than 17 years, I have a well of patience. I don’t yell at students in school. I don’t yell at my children at home.
So far at least.
I’m also a naturally calm person. It takes a lot to upset me. A childhood of verbal confrontations with an evil stepfather taught me to remain calm and rationale whenever possible. I learned that the person who shouts is oftentimes the person who will lose the argument or at least most likely to appear foolish and unhinged.
In our dozen years together, my wife has seen me lose my temper once. It was the result of traffic on the interchange between I-684 and I-84. For a few moments, I lost my mind.
Rather than firing cannonballs when I am angry, I prefer to lurk beneath the surface of the water like a submarine, quiet and deadly, listening carefully and waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
For the record, I don’t think Elysha has ever yelled at our children in anger, either.
5. I have never used an illegal drug.
There were many opportunities for me to experiment with illegal drugs throughout my life, but since I was 18 years-old, I have been on my own, operating without a safety net. I was poor, unemployed, homeless, the victim of violent crime, and arrested and tried for a crime I did not commit. For my entire adult life, I have felt like I was walking on a tightrope, in danger of falling off at any moment. I still feel this way today.
Whenever the pressure or desire to experiment with an illegal drug arose, I thought about how difficult my life already was, how precarious my position has always been, and how I couldn’t afford any more trouble. Thus I was able to avoid experimenting with drugs even once.
6. I have never consumed even an ounce of coffee.
I have avoided coffee for several reasons:
- I saw how miserable my parents could be before their first cup of coffee in the morning. I didn’t want my mood to ever be dictated by the consumption of a drink.
- I suffered for years with teachers who had horrendous coffee breath. I never wanted my breath to smell even close to this horror show.
- I don’t like hot drinks of any kind.
- I’ve always found the coffee making and drinking process complicated, time consuming, inexact, and oftentimes treated far too preciously for my taste. I have always embraced simplicity. Speed. Minimalism. Coffee is anything but these things.
7. I’ve never activated cruise control in an automobile.
I’ve always felt that if you’re going to drive the car, then drive the damn thing. Steering wheel and pedals and all. I’ve always viewed cruise control as a device specifically designed to reduce the driver’s level of engagement, which has always struck me as both dangerous and lazy.
8. I’ve never smoked tobacco of any kind.
Smoking kills. It says it on the package. It also makes you smell and look terrible. I never found anything appealing about it. Avoiding it has been a no-brainer, despite the fact that more than half of all Americans have tried smoking at least once in their lifetimes.
