Archive for November 2012
I am nothing compared to Gramps.
In preparing for Baby Abby’s early morning party, which I eventually found on the living room couch, my daughter learns about tinkers, makes a fairly obvious statement and once again reminds me that her Gramps is more of a man than me.
Read MoreSpace is suddenly a lot less impressive
It sounds impressive, but in the end, all you need is a weather balloon, a video camera and a GPS tracker. And if you don’t require video footage of the historic moment, you only need the balloon and the tracker. For less than $200, you, too, could be the first person to put a food…
Read MoreMy wife was right. You were right. But I was a little right, too.
Yesterday I wrote about my recent decision to invent a word while in a debate with another person in order to determine his intelligence. My assumption was that if he ignored the invented word and pretended that he understood its meaning, I could rightfully assume he was an idiot. My wife, and about 85% of…
Read MoreWhy brushing your teeth is important
Clara has given her grandfather credit for teaching her almost everything she knows. Last week she told me that Gramps taught her how to breathe. Seriously. Her teachers, her parents and her friends receive zero credit for teaching her anything. It’s not fair. But based upon her verbal intonations here, I suspect that this is…
Read MoreSix perfect words that killed me.
I was gone from 6:30 AM this morning until 6:30 PM this evening because of parent teacher conferences. It was a long day. It was also the third day in a row that I have been away from home for twelve hours or more. As I was getting Clara in her pajamas tonight, I asked…
Read MoreI say this is a clever verbal strategy for identifying stupidity. My wife says I’m mean and wrong. Settle the debate.
My wife says this is mean. I think it was brilliant. I was speaking to a person whose intelligence, at least in regards to the nature of our discussion, was questionable at best. On a whim, I decided to test his knowledge of the subject matter and his overall intelligence by inserting an invented word…
Read MoreWhy nudity sucks and should be avoided at all costs
The ratio of risk-reward when it comes to nudity is similar to that of the risk-reward associated with a helium balloon and a toddler. While nudity sounds compelling, the actual percentage of people in the world who you would like to see naked is probably less than half. Considerably less than half. And the percentage…
Read MoreMy wife and children are ruining football for me.
I attended the Patriots game on Sunday. The weather was spectacular, the pregame tailgate menu was superb, and most important, the Patriots won. It was the first game in more than a month for me. I missed both home games in October thanks to my book tour and a wedding. I was happy to return…
Read MoreUnfair assumption #6: If you have your own diamond guy, there is little chance that we could ever be friends.
A woman at a recent book event was complimented by another woman for the diamond necklace that she was wearing. She thanked the woman for the compliment, and her husband, who was standing alongside her, explained that his diamond guy designed it especially for his wife. If you have your own diamond guy, there is…
Read MoreThree reasons why helium balloons suck
First, there is a serious helium shortage in the world today, and helium is a crucial ingredient in MRI machines, wafer manufacturing, welding. Wasting this precious resource on party balloons is foolish. Second, the actual balloons are terrible for the environment. Lost balloons end up in the stomachs of animals and marine life, causing suffering…
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