Archive for June 2011
General maintenance required
Is it acceptable to call your doctor for an appointment under the heading of general maintenance? At last count, the following issues require medical attention: Two distinctly painful knee problems A foot problem (possible Plantar fasciitis) A shoulder problem A blocked ear I’ve been waiting for my school year to end before making an appointment,…
Read MoreSingular talent absent opportunity
This is one of those completely amazing, captivating and awe-inspiring performances that takes my breath away but then leaves me wondering to what purpose it serves other than to entertain me for a couple minutes. It’s almost tragic. This guy can do something that very few people in the world can do, and yet as…
Read MoreThis hurts my heart
Father’s Day 2011
I spent my Father’s Day playing 18 holes of golf, enjoying brunch with friends and eating ice cream for dinner, but it was the time I spent at the playground with my daughter that was my favorite.
Read MoreThree new Father’s Day laws
As Father’s Day draws to a close, I’d like to propose the following new Father’s Day rules: All golf courses should be set up in their most ideal conditions. Tee boxes should be positioned as close to the greens as possible. Pin placements should be ideal. Every effort should be made to ensure that a…
Read MoreFather’s Day is perfectly placed on the calendar
It occurred to me that Father’s Day is placed ideally on the calendar in order to garner maximum benefit for fathers, and oddly enough, mothers everywhere. Sure, Mother’s Day gets considerably more attention. It comes first on the calendar each year, and it seems to possess, unfairly perhaps, more gravitas than Father’s Day. People even…
Read MoreBugaboo is stupid. Uppababy rules. I’m writing about baby strollers. The world must be coming to an end.
When my wife and I are in New York City, we see a lot of Bugaboo strollers and are frequently amused by their prevalence. There are simply much better strollers on the market for considerably less money, but because Hollywood starlets are photographed with Bugaboos and high school has not ended for many people, mindless…
Read MoreLions should not be allowed to pretend to eat little children
I am not a helicopter parent by any means. I allowed by children to cry herself to sleep, climb up slides, and operate heavy equipment while on cold medication. I am not overly cautious by any means. But I don’t care how thick the glass might be. I would not allow this to happen.
Read MoreOverreacting to a little pee
They drained the reservoir, all 7.8 million gallons, because a man peed in it. About 1:30 AM on Wednesday, city of Portland water officials say, a 21-year-old man was caught on camera urinating in one of Portland’s uncovered reservoirs — one that provides water to a majority of Portlanders. "Do you want to drink pee?"…
Read MoreThe people who will die first in a zombie apocalypse
People who pre-wipe gym equipment Women who wear sweatpants with the word Juicy on the butt Anyone who prefers calling roadside assistance rather than changing their own flat tire People who shout when they are angry Ethical vegetarians and anyone keeping a kosher household Men who expect engagement gifts from their future brides Anyone who…
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