14 Ways for Evaluating Character

Ted Gioia, on his Substack The Honest Broker, lists his “8 best techniques for evaluating character.”

It’s a good list.

My only strong disagreement is with his first one:

1. Forget what they say—instead, look at who they marry.

He writes:

A person’s choice of a spouse—or, if they aren’t married, their closest lifelong partner—is much more revealing than anything they say or do in public.

I disagree.

I think that their choice of spouse can be instructive in some cases. Still, I also know many people who married someone without the knowledge, wisdom, forethought, and self-awareness to make the best choice. Many of these people remain married today because even though their marriage is hardly ideal, it works.

Or they’re making it work for the kids.

Or they’re not in a financial position to live independently.

Or their spouse was the best person they could find.

My friend Kim says that the most important decision you ever make is choosing who you marry, and I agree. But that choice is sometimes not a good one, not because of a lack of character but because of a multitude of other factors that go into the process of choosing a partner and remaining married to a spouse.

Sometimes we choose a spouse or partner who is less than ideal. Many times that marriage ends in divorce. Sometimes it does not for some good and not-so-good reasons. But I don’t think a person’s choice of spouse is always indicative of who they are.

That said, I made my own list.

I’ve retained five of Gioia’s eight items on his list, changed them slightly, and added a few of my own.

My List of the 14 Best Ways of Evaluating Character

1. What kind of questions do they ask?
2. How much curiosity do they have about the lives of other people?
3. What do they say about the physical appearance of others?
4. How often do they speak about the physical appearance of others?
5. How politically polarized are they?
6. How do they treat service workers?
7. What experiences formed their character in early life?
8. How do they spend their time?
9. How do they spend their money?
10. How often do they complain?
11. What do they complain about?
12. What do they think is funny?
13. What is their ratio of speaking to listening?
14. How informed are they about national and world events?