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Compliments?

I hear from readers and listeners and audience members every day. Most are kind and thoughtful, even when they are also challenging or ornery or disagreeable. Some of the things written to me bring me to tears. They are messages that I will save for the rest of my life. Sometimes trolls visit me, too.…

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Why are they wearing makeup?

I was watching the first NFL game of the season on Thursday night – Green Bay versus Chicago – happy to see that football was back at last. As the network returned from commercial at the beginning of the second half, the cameras focused first on the two booth announcers – legendary commentator Al Michaels…

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Electrical conundrum

I’m not a handy guy. I can’t fix a damn thing. Nor can I build, construct, or replace. I don’t do plumbing or electrical work. I can’t repair a roof or landscape a lawn or paint a porch. Loose hinges on cabinets stymie me. So perhaps the answer to this question is obvious to someone…

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I know these men exist, but I don’t know any of them

You know those guys – it’s always a man – who drive in the third lane of the highway at high speeds, flashing their lights at any car that get in their way? Who are these guys? I’m serious. In my entire life, I don’t think I’ve ever known a man who would do such…

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I am not a monster

Over the weekend, friends and I were discussing a recent revelation on social media: There are couples in this world who do sleep on the same side of the bed every night. When someone on Twitter revealed this last week – obviously a monster – Twitter went crazy. People couldn’t imagine choosing random sides of…

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Why do teenagers smoke?

The tobacco plant has been disastrous for human beings. According to the CDC, cigarette smoking is responsible for more than 480,000 deaths per year in the United States, including more than 41,000 deaths resulting from secondhand smoke exposure. This is about one in five deaths annually, or 1,300 deaths every day. On average, smokers die…

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Is the hand hover respectful and thoughtful or a sign that the end of days is near?

It appears as if Keanu Reeves has decided that the hand hover – once mocked for being awkward and strange – is now the preferred move when taking photos with fans. There are dozens of photos of Keanu Reeves executing this move online. My first thought: “Have we really reached a point where a person’s…

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I am Springsteen

Huge conundrum, people: Elysha compared me to Bruce Springsteen. She told a friend – not even me, so it must be true – that I’m like Bruce Springsteen because the two of us are tough, rugged men who make great art. While I admittedly can’t repair a hinge on a cabinet, change my own oil,…

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Perhaps we don’t disagree on sleep as much as you think. Perhaps.

Yesterday I bestowed favored animal status to the giraffe, based primarily on its ability to sleep less than 30 minutes per day. People were surprised – as they often are – by how much I hate to sleep, and particularly how irritated I am every night when I need to fall asleep. In response, many…

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Winners get ice cream. Losers get nothing.

I was sitting at Charlie’s Little League game yesterday, thinking that we might get some ice cream if the game ended early enough, when I suddenly remembered something from my childhood: When I was playing Little League baseball, you only went for ice cream if you won the game. As a boy, this made sense…

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