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I’ve started to refer to myself as Daddy in the third person.  Even when my daughter is not around. 

Me:  Daddy’s going to bring to garbage out.

Mother-in-law:  Isn’t Clara upstairs already?

Me:  Um…yes. 

Mother-in-law:  Then who are you talking to?

Me:  Kill me now.  Please.

I’ve actually given my wife permission to administer electro-shock therapy if necessary.  Anything it takes to prevent me from speaking like this ever again. 

If you catch me doing this, I give you permission to backhand me with a shovel.