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A lot can happen in twelve years…

Tonight I learned that a student from my very first class, a former second grader who I taught twelve years ago, is modeling a line of clothing that was designed and manufactured by my friend and his partner. That is a damn small world. I can’t get over it.  I’m sitting here, staring at photos…

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Identity crisis

I called in an order at the local sandwich shop today. When I picked it up, there was a slip of paper attached to the bag with the order written on it. I described my roast beef sandwich (American cheese, salt and pepper on wheat) and dessert choice (apple pocket). At the bottom of the…

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Forever young

Last week I went to the doctor’s office for a routine visit. Prior to seeing the doctor, a nurse took my blood pressure and pulse. “Wow,” she said, staring at me in near disbelief. “Good?” “Great,” she said. “And your pulse too. I’m surprised!” “Alright,” I said, becoming uncomfortable with her level of astonishment. “It’s…

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Shooting little kids in the chest

On Friday night I played laser tag against two students and a band of marauding birthday party kids. Eighteen players in all and I was the only adult in the maze. I finished second, despite the frequent and illegal teaming by children who wanted to do nothing else but destroy me. I left the game…

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But it’s just Bram

I told my buddy that I’ll be spending my afternoon watching football with my friend, Bram. “Who’s Bram?” he asked. “Oh, Bram Weinstein,” I said. “He works for ESPN. He’s a SportsCenter anchor. And other stuff, too. College football. Radio. He was the Redskins beat reporter for a while. Lots of stuff.” “You’re watching the…

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5 pieces of advice from my evil stepfather

In the ten years I spent living with my evil step-father before leaving home at the age of eighteen, he attempted to teach me the following things: 1.  The most painful way to die is by fire. Being a psychiatric social worker, I believed him. This, by the way, is always good information to give…

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What is Hell?

The Devil believes that hell is a place where your greatest loves can be turned against you, so in my case… Springsteen’s Thunder Road, over and over again for eternity. But the Devil doesn’t know that I fall more in love with that song each time I hear it.

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At last! A job tailor-made to my abilities.

When Clara is old enough, I will tell her to try to combine her talent and her passion into her choice of career in order to ensure happiness and success. And if I ever get tired of teaching and writing, I think I’ve found a job tailor-made for my skill set. IDump4U.com is a service…

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Pants are not priceless

A clothing store called Khaki and Black went out of business in our town’s center last year and has been replaced by a bank. As I drove by with a friend, she said, “Great. Another bank. Just what the center needed.” When the store closed, my mother-in-law expressed a similar sentiment. My response: What makes…

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Do vegans force their pets and children to be vegans, too?

I find veganism fascinating, particularly when it is practiced for ethical reasons. The morality behind avoiding meat raises so many interesting questions. For example: Do ethical vegans force their pets into veganism as well? Is a vegan’s dog not allowed to eat dog food containing rabbit, chicken or turkey? Are the cats of vegans discouraged…

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