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Never play halfway

I was on the elliptical machine last night, watching the Red Sox-Rangers game. During my forty minute workout, the Sox look pitiful. The Rangers had already stolen nine bases on knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, who had surrendered a 6-2 lead in the fifth inning. I’m a Yankees fan, but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire certain…

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Leave my goddamn grass alone.

I would like to propose a new man rule: Men don’t comment on the state of another man’s lawn. A friend of mine came over the other day and noted that my lawn is getting rather long. I began to defend myself, explaining that I haven’t got the lawn mower out yet and it’s the…

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Justified pride?

Is it wrong that I took so much pleasure in beating my former students and a bunch of teenagers in laser tag this afternoon?  I mean, I crushed them.  In two games of twenty players, I finished first and second. My shining moment:  After blasting three teenage boys in a row, they turned and fled…

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The Hunt for Red October: Good and not so much

I caught some of The Hunt for Red October yesterday. It’s a good movie and a better book, but having not seen the film in years, I had some thoughts after watching it again. 1.  Just a little bit of computer-enhanced special effects in the last fifteen minutes of the film could really improve the…

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Deception I tell you!

New rule: Walking in a retail district or downtown area does not constitute a genuine walk. I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked by friends and relatives to join them for a walk, only to realize after it’s too late that I have been taken shopping. Even though we have a…

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Forgive or else!

I drive by a billboard everyday that reads: If you do not forgive others, God will not forgive you- Matthew 6:15 Does this strike anyone else as a gun-to-the-head kind of scenario? And is it even true? Though I am hardly an expert, I have always been under the impression that if a Christian asks …

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No cutting

A friend of mine was telling the following story last night to a group of our mutual friends, and I agreed to re-post the story here. The incident occurred on the day that my wife and I were moving into our new home. For the record, my wife cannot stand it when people cut in…

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Carl Linnaeus is rolling over in his grave

Have you ever noticed the Petco sign? Note the tag line beneath the store name. Supplies (dot) Fish & Grooming. How did the geniuses who designed this sign rationalize this choice and separation of words? Let’s start with the word Supplies. Isn’t this sort of obvious? Did the executives at Petco think that consumers might…

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I love this quote

“I’m proud of you, Mom. You’re like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you.” –Lisa Simpson

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No neck

As some of you may know, I am universally acknowledged as having no neck. My head literally sits atop my shoulders. While it hasn’t bothered me very much, my friend sent me this, from the Word of the Day website, which cheered me up quite a bit. WORD argal MEANING: conjunction, adverb: Therefore. ETYMOLOGY: By…

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